Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
