booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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