Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I supernannyed him into submission
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
