I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize