omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
