Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
