i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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