We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We're too hungover to prance.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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