There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
