we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
