You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize