I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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