I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
