FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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