I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
