The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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