Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize