Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
