She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
