Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
