I want to make a zoo with you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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