Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
