I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
