At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
