i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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