It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize