Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
