Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
