You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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