I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
