So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
