i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
