I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's even glitter on my cock...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
