First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
