We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
