This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
