That's intense
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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