I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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