So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
