Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
