OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
