hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
