Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
