piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
