I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
