Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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