I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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