you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
