i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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