Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize