i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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