Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
