i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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