We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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