i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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