The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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