yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
