he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
