hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
