Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
