hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
