Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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