She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
