She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
