You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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