Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
